


Regret of the Veracious Witch

by noetherSA



Series: Umineko One Shots [1]
Category: Umineko no Naku Koro ni | When the Seagulls Cry
Genre: Colored Text, Gen, Mystery, spoilers through episode 7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:54:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25806181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noetherSA/pseuds/noetherSA
Summary: <Welcome.> Take your seat over there, we’re going to play a game.  <No,> you don’t have a say in this.The difficulty is astronomical. I’ve run this scenario hundreds of times, and I always win. Your mediocre little grey cells don’t stand a chance!Erika's story about her bad breakup left me with a totally different impression of what had been happening than the VN presents. I've retold the story here in a more narrative format, but there aren't any details I've deliberately added or left out. Now, I *could* just say what my conclusion was, but this seems much more in theme~ *cackle* *cackle*
Series: Umineko One Shots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1892401
Comments: 14
Kudos: 35





	1. Side A: Questions

The tea set on Shannon’s serving cart clattered and shook as she pushed it through the empty halls of the guesthouse. One of the wheels had become stuck, and the cart refused to stay straight. She sighed. Nothing was ever easy. On any other night, she might’ve taken it back to the servants’ room to clean it out but... it’s not like it would be seeing much use after tomorrow anyway.

The malty aroma of the tea drifted up to her nose and tried to identify what kind it was. Though she was usually the one put in charge of buying teas, Gohda had a habit of just shoving a cart at her and telling her to go serve it without much further explanation. And so, when she reached her destination and someone inevitably asked what they were drinking, she wouldn’t have an answer. It had happened more times than she could count. She took in another breath and concentrated. There was a note of citrus mixed in, maybe it was Earl Grey?  _ Or maybe... _ she pondered,  _ It smells a bit floral, maybe this one’s Lady Grey? _

She stopped at the door to the parlor. Last time she’d checked in, the cousins and Erika had been absorbed in a board game, and their groans and whoops echoed around the building, but now all she could hear was someone grumbling to themselves. She knocked at the door.

“What?” Erika’s voice called from inside. 

“Um,” Shannon hesitated, “Your tea is ready.”

“<Good.> Come in.”

Shannon pushed the door open and wheeled the cart inside. The coffee table bore a Monopoly board with pieces and fake money still scattered about. A large stack of deeds lay on the side closest to Erika’s position on the couch. 

“Was the game in your favor, milady?” Shannon inquired as she lifted the tray off the cart. 

Erika shrugged. “I guess. Although it’s pretty boring to play against people that much less skilled. Even when they all turned on me it didn’t make a difference.”

“I see,” Shannon deeply regretted asking. Of course it had gone like that. She scanned the table for a place to fit the tea set. “Um, where shall I place the tea?”

“Anywhere’s fine,” Erika replied, unhelpfully.

A beat. Shannon placed the tray back on the cart and set about clearing a spot on the table. 

“Have you ever been in love, servant girl?” Erika asked, seemingly out of the blue.

“Er, well,” Shannon stammered as she tried to politely navigate around the conversation, “As furniture, we-”

“Save your breath. I know you’re boinking that George guy.” Erika sneered and made a face she probably thought made her look cool. “You can’t sneak something that obvious past my excellent little grey cells.”

Shannon began to sweat. “U-um, I-”

“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna tell anyone~” Erika teased, “That is, if you stay here and play a game with me.”

Shannon struggled to remain gracious in the face of being blackmailed. “Entertaining the guests is one of my duties, of course.”

“<Good!>” Erika clapped her hands together and leaned back against the couch. “Let’s set the pieces on the board.” 

“Does... Monopoly work well with two people?” Shannon asked.

Erika looked at her as if she’d said something unspeakably stupid. “What? No. We’re not playing Monopoly.” She rolled her eyes. “We’re going to play a <cool> game of logic and detectives!”

A spark of fascination flashed across her eyes, but Shannon tried to hide it as best she could as she finished clearing room on the table and again reached for the tea tray. “How might one play this game?”

“I’ll tell you a story,” Erika explained, “And you use your little grey cells to try and decipher the truth from what I’ve told you.”

“I see,” Shannon answered. On any other night, with any other person, she might’ve taken a liking to this game, but right now it sounded like it would eat into her  _ other  _ plans for the night. Still, it sounded like a game she might’ve play with  _ him  _ one day

“Let me ask you,” Erika began, “how would you feel if you found out that George had been living a double life?”

“A double life?” Shannon prompted Erika to go on as she set a teacup in front of her and filled it with piping hot tea. 

“Yeah. Imagine that one day you found out he was screwing one of the other servants on the side. Maybe that Kanon guy, for instance. Or wait, maybe it would make more sense if  _ you  _ were the one he was smashing on the side!” Erika jeered.

Shannon forgot herself for a moment and shot her an exasperated look.

“It’d piss you off, right?” Erika prompted, but she continued without waiting for a response. “I bet you’d never want to see him again. Just think, every time he came to visit, your heart would ache so bad you’d want to tear it out and smush it beneath your feet!” she paused for effect. “This story’s about a situation like that. Well, probably. It  _ is  _ a game, after all. You win if you can come up with another explanation.” 

Erika picked her cup of tea up off the table and took a sip. “You can sit down, by the way. And pour yourself some tea. This can count as one of your breaks.” She placed her drink back on the table and dropped a few scoops of sugar into it.

“Thank you,” Shannon muttered reflexively. She prepared herself her own cup of tea and took a seat opposite her guest. 

“Right. Where should we start...” Erika appeared lost in thought. “You’re a boy who met a girl through a class in high school and started seeing each other. Calculus, to be precise. You’re both quite intelligent and are taking it ahead of the others in your class. You also act in the school plays. Your girlfriend is enthralled by your performance and pushes you to do it more. There were rumors that you were still close with your ex, but you assured your girlfriend it was nothing to worry about.”

“Your girlfriend finds a strange wallet once when she comes over to visit.” Erika locked eyes with Shannon. “There’s a cutesy cat charm dangling off it. Inside are punch cards and coupons from stores you wouldn’t normally go, on the far side of town. Thrift stores, movie theaters, things like that. Your girlfriend asks about it later, and you explain that a theatre friend had come over to practice some lines and must have left it.”

“She claims to accept that, but you can tell she’s a little suspicious,” Erika continued, “She starts picking up on all kinds of odd things. You start wearing a new cologne, and listening to new bands that aren’t your usual genre. You know stuff about cosmetics. Your schedule started filling up: always practicing or hanging out with theater friends, you got a part-time job suddenly without saying anything, talking on the phone with a friend for a really long time.”

“Your habits become strange. You missed a date and said you’d overslept. You fold paper towels in a peculiar way. You make excuses to meet with other girls. How many times can you make too much curry? It was raining on Monday, and your shoes were muddy, so you must’ve gone out. There’s an odd mark on your calendar that matches. You spent the night at a theatre friend’s place.”

Erika started talking faster, and her words gradually took on a fervent, venomous quality as she wound herself up. “It becomes too obvious to ignore. The toilet seat was left down when I came over. I find suspicious things around your house: hair ties, hand mirrors, long strands of hair that aren’t mine. You say your theatre friends had parties at your place, but none of them have hair that long. You arrive at a date twenty minutes late, having already eaten. You knew the plot of a movie before we’d gone to see it together.”

“I accuse you of cheating, and present the evidence. You deny it. You assure me you love me, and try to reassure me with soppy, hackneyed lines that sound like something out of a shoujo manga. It pisses me off, and I storm out. We act like we’ve made up, but every time we meet, we start fighting. You get mad when I tell you to quit theatre, that it’s them or me.” Her voice begins to tremble, almost imperceptibly at first, as her outburst shifts from fury to anguish. “You say if I can’t trust you, then I don’t love you. You say you want to take a break. A senior girl quit the play and you have to rewrite some parts by tomorrow anyway, so I should go. You say you don’t love me anymore. You beg me to stop crying and to keep my voice down. You say I should leave. We never spoke again.”

Erika sighed, and took another sip of tea. Her voice gradually settled back to its usual grating timbre. “Back then, you failed to adequately defend yourself. You petulantly took your toys and went home. But now, you have another chance to prove your innocence. How do you plea?”

Shannon stared blankly across the table at Erika and nursed her tea. What had she wandered into? She’d just wanted to drop off the tea, maybe chat with the cousins for a moment, and move on to the night’s main event, but now she was Erika’s captive audience as she reopened old emotional wounds. “Well, um,” She struggled to patch together a response. 

“The answer is <not guilty,> by the way,” Erika interjected, her usual sneer back in its proper place, “It’d be totally boring if you tried to weasel out of this by ceding that this guy cheated. In any case, the interesting part isn’t the answer, it’s how you show your work.”

Shannon placed her teacup back on the table and tightened her focus. “What evidence do you have that I’ve been cheating?”

Erika rolled her eyes, clearly dead bored already. “ I have eighty-four points of circumstantial and physical evidence to present, starting with- ”

Shannon waved her hands in front of her face. “Okay, okay, maybe that wasn’t the right place to start. Ummm,” she sipped her tea again. “ It’s obvious I still love you. After all, I still go to dinner dates when I’ve already eaten. I still go to movie dates when I’ve already seen the movie. Even though I’ve been busy with my other friends, I’ve still made time to be with you. ”

“ It’s possible that you love me and are still cheating. You might just think you can have it both ways, ” Erika countered effortlessly. 

The warmth of the teacup felt soothing in Shannon’s hands. She furrowed her brow. “ I was just really engrossed in theatre and didn’t realize you would get so jealous. ” 

“ I asked the theatre teacher about that, and they said the opposite! You had in fact been missing rehearsals and cutting class! ” Erika beamed. “If you had listened to my list of evidence instead of rudely interrupting me, I would have mentioned that earlier.”

Shannon found herself dumbstruck. She was sure that had been the case.  _ Had  _ this person actually been cheating? If Erika had collected evidence that suggested it -and knowing her, she absolutely had- then it was hard to argue with. But if she wanted to get out of here she had to figure out a way to squirm around it anyway. She chewed her lip and absentmindedly traced her finger around the edge of the teacup. 

And gradually, another truth started to coalesce in her mind. It was illicit yet innocent, strange yet commonplace, mundane and yet still magical. Her face grew red and she shook her head to clear her thoughts.  _ Is it really okay for that to be the answer? _ Shannon pondered,  _ I mean, it makes sense, doesn’t it? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been playing through this game with my friends HypDadaist and MercurialBadger who had read it already, and when we got to the section where Erika plays the truth game about her ex with Dlanor, I ended up coming away with an entirely different impression of what had happened than Erika. And surprisingly, Hyp and Mercurial hadn't thought of it either. 
> 
> So, what do you think Shannon realized? *Cackle* *Cackle*  
> Think about a solution before turning the page, okaaaayyy~


	2. Side B: Answers

“What kind of person was I?” Shannon asked, “Um, I have an idea, but I’m not sure if it’s correct.”

“You were a meek boy when I met you, but your sharp tongue and intelligence made up for it.” Erika recounted, “You always seemed more comfortable on stage, and had no trouble wearing strange costumes or belting out embarrassing lines. Sometimes it seemed like you only got stage fright when you left the theater and had to be yourself.”

Shannon caught herself smiling knowingly. “Did you ever find out what kind of work I did?”

“You claimed to have worked at a restaurant or something, but refused when I asked to see your paychecks, so I don’t really know.” Erika rolled her eyes. “You had some trust issues around that.”

“I- I see,” Shannon again fought back an exasperated look. This relationship must’ve felt like a stay in the panopticon to that poor soul. “Did those um, trust issues come up often? Was I likely to hide benign things from you, like hobbies, or small accomplishments?”

Erika sipped her tea contemplatively. “You were always excited to talk about theater, but for other stuff you got really cagey. You used to write sometimes, but even with all my charm, I was unable to get you to show me more often than not. I didn’t find out you were into manga until you disappeared to a convention once.”

“Was I the type to dress up as a character when I went?” Shannon wondered.

“If you were, I never saw any photos,” Erika shrugged, “I didn’t pry all that much when you went on trips like that, y’know, just the basics like where you were going, how long, who you were going with, how much money you were going to spend. Manga and stuff aren’t really my thing, it’s kind of childish.”

“I think it can be nice to humor your loved one when it comes to their interests sometimes, even if you don’t really get it,” Shannon rubbed the rim of her teacup with her thumb fondly. George sure did love talking about his dating games if you got him started. “Maybe it was something like that.”

“Are you stupid? What kind of comparison is that?!” Erika scoffed, “What kind of hobby would involve spending so much time around other girls and would leave long hairs on your bed? Philandery is not a  _ hobby _ , servant girl, or perhaps George just conditioned you to- How did you put it? Humor him about it? And what kind of hobby would you be so determined to hide even when faced with breaking up?”

“Some things... are just like that,” Shannon’s gaze averted from her opponent and took a lap around the Monopoly board. At that moment, the phone in the parlor rang. Shannon rose, bowed politely, and picked it up. “Hello? This is Shannon.”

“It’s Genji,” The older servant’s voice had a tinny quality from the old phone speaker. “The cousins called in to request some snacks to be brought up. Can you take care of that?”

“Yes, of course, I’ll be over right away,” Shannon hung up the receiver and turned to Erika. “I’m terribly sorry, but I’m needed elsewhere. Shall we continue the game later?”

“Fine, but if you’re not back soon, I won’t hesitate telling everyone about you and George.”

“Then I will return as soon as I’m able,” Shannon gave Erika a deep bow and quietly excused herself from the game.

As Shannon left, I took her place opposite Erika. When was the last time I was seen by another person? It must’ve been years. Not having Shannon by my side made me feel naked and vulnerable, like a hermit crab caught while transferring shells. I fought back the urge to retreat behind the furniture, though Erika’s piercing gaze made it difficult to sit still.

“Uh, I can take her place while she’s gone,” I offered. I fidgeted with the edge of my skirt. 

“What?” Erika asked, “Speak up, you’re mumbling.”

“Sorry, um,” I tried to make my voice stronger, but I was out of practice at speaking. I wiped down the edge of the teacup Shannon left behind and took a sip. “Without love, it cannot be seen.”

“That’s exactly the opposite problem here!” Erika raised her voice again. “Love made me see things that weren’t there. You were cheating and I kept trying to pull together excuses to believe you weren’t! But in the end, only that solution was left staring me in the face!”

“I... have another.” I fidgeted with the end of my skirt a bit. “ I think the term ‘double life’ might’ve been fitting for what I was doing, but it wasn’t something extreme or sinister like cheating. Maybe it was something important I was embarrassed about, or some part of myself I was scared to show you. All that unexplainable stuff you found -the wallet, the strands of hair, the mirror- was mine.  ”

Erika took a moment to process. “...What?! What the hell are you talking about?”

I heaved a sigh and continued. “ I got into theatre because I wanted to be anyone but myself. I don’t think I realized that at first, but it’s something I pieced together later as its hold on me grew. And it delivered. I was able to embody dozens of roles that felt more comfortable -more real- than the person I was when I went home afterwards. ”

“ During that time, I realized... I liked playing female roles better. It probably happened when a friend asked me to help practice a scene with them, or maybe I was a test case for someone practicing with stage makeup, or making a costume. I probably never appeared on stage in a dress or anything, but maybe once or twice the club decided to superficially swap the genders of some of the romantic pairings and I had an excuse to play them. ”

“ The other members of the club knew this about me. I certainly wasn’t the first person like this to get involved with theatre, and they made me feel understood for the first time in my life. Eventually, I confided in some of my friends that I wanted to try crossdressing, and they helped me pick out some clothes, makeup, and wigs. Over time, I grew confident enough to start going out like that, sometimes with friends, sometimes alone, usually to places away from where people might recognize me. ”

“ At first it felt kind of strange and awkward, but soon it became obvious that this was something that went deeper than a curious hobby. I wanted nothing more than to stay like that forever, and it was maddening whenever I had to switch back. My theater friends made me feel comfortable expressing myself like that at a time when I was terrified of bringing it up with anyone else, especially you. I was terrified it might jeopardize the relationship, and did everything I could to cover it up. And of course, there were times when they helped. ” 

“ A painful knot formed in my gut when you accused me of cheating, but I couldn’t bring myself to let you in and see that side of me. I was scared that if you knew the truth you wouldn’t be able to love me anymore anyway, or maybe that you would ask me a lot of questions I probably didn’t know the answer to myself, and get indignant when I couldn’t respond the way you wanted. So I kept it hidden and pushed you away even as our relationship crumbled to dust between us. ”

“Well that’s a <good> theory. I gotta wonder what made you think of that,” Erika smirked, “Say, how do you think George would react if he found out he’d been dating that kind of person after he’d already gotten so invested in the relationship? Not accusing you of anything, of course, It’s just fun to think about, y’know? I mean, he seems like the  _ family-oriented _ type.”

“I wonder,” Erika’s words cut deep, but I couldn’t let her have the satisfaction of seeing it. Even so, she was probably right. Would anyone else have come up with that interpretation? The Ushiromiya family adhered to a rigid and simplistic ideal of gender, but for me, it’s never been that easy. Even before I found the gold and the truth, it was something that fought me and alienated me at every step. In some ways, it’s not hard to imagine being the sort of person Erika’s partner may have been. And of course, there certainly was a reason Shannon insisted on separate rooms in that hotel in Okinawa...

All things considered, it was seeming like Erika breaking up with this person was a blessing in disguise. No wonder they didn’t want to tell her.

“You’re forgetting something though,” Erika taunted, “You were slacking off in theatre, right? If theatre was such an important part of your double life, then why would you abandon it? Oh! And one more thing! I collected some of the long hairs I found and had them tested-  those were real human hairs, not synthetic ones like in a wig! ”

I tried to think for a moment while Erika continued taunting me. There’s a few other pieces left on the board that haven’t been used: The secret part time job, the napkins, cooking a lot, having eaten right before dates... and of course, they also seemed to fit together in a way Erika didn’t intend. “ I started to look for other excuses to go out _en femme_ , and eventually I started working part time at a hostess club with  _ that kind _ of staff. We worked strange hours, and my sleep schedule was a mess as a result. And of course, the clients were terrible. When the club started giving me more hours it cut into theatre time. Nevertheless, It felt good being with people so similar to myself. They became a second group of friends I couldn’t share with you. The mysterious hairs may have come from someone in this group, or maybe I had a wig made with donated hair. ”

“That’s- W-wait a second,” Erika’s eyes widened, “My boyfriend might’ve been a  _ hostess?!  _ That’s almost as bad! It might even be worse! There’s no way!” 

I shrugged and smiled wryly. If Beato was watching, she was probably cackling maniacally over Erika’s consternation. “Who knows? But it’s somewhere they might’ve been able to feel at home.” I took a sip of tea. “In any case, it seems like calling them your boyfriend might’ve been a bit premature.”

Erika made a frustrated noise in her throat somewhere between a gurgle and a whine. “But- Uh, right!  If he was a hostess, he might’ve cheated on me with a client! Or, or with one of the other hostesses! ”

“Isn’t that what they call a devil’s proof?” I pointed out, “If there’s no particular evidence to use, and neither of us knows the answer for sure, then it’s a moot point. But if ‘I’ loved you, then I’m sure I went above and beyond to avoid any situations like that.” 

“That’s- You’re-” Erika stammered.

“Perhaps, if you had been closer to your partner, then this wouldn’t come as such a surprise,” I chided, “and if you had trusted them more, they may have come out with it on their own.”

Of course, I was one to talk. “Trust your partner” would ring a lot more true from someone who’s entire being wasn’t built on unsteady strata of lies and omissions, waiting to collapse into a sinkhole as soon as George -or hell, Jessica too, or literally anyone- looked just a little too far under the surface. Down below my abdomen, my scar started to ache. 

I reached for my teacup again and realized I had run dry. Just then, there was a knock at the door, and Shannon entered. “Sorry for the delay.” She bowed politely. “I hope I didn’t leave the game on hold for overly long.”

“We were actually just about finished,” I explained. “Although, I think we both could use a refill on tea.”

Shannon courteously filled my cup and Erika’s while I filled her in on the proceedings, set the teapot back on the serving tray, and quietly resumed her place at the table as if she had never left.

“This doesn’t make any seeeense!” Erika whined as her expression gradually twisted into a look of panicked confusion, “There must be some trick to this! How could I, Furudo Erika, find myself cornered against something so obviously absurd!”

Shannon “Um, if the game is over, may I return to my work? I’ve already been absent quite some time.” 

“F-fine,” Erika cried. She made another strangled gurgling noise. “Just- just get out of my face! Leave me alone!”

Shannon, once and for the last time, stood and bowed. She collected her cup and the tea set and loaded it back onto the cart as Erika continued to howl and bleat across from her. She excused herself from the parlor and made her way back to the servant room, the stuck wheel fighting her every step of the way. She met Kanon in the hallway, and he offered to take the cart back so she could go on her break for real.

Gohda looked up from his crossword puzzle in surprise as Kanon entered. “Where’d Shannon go?”

“She’s taking a break,” Kanon explained.

“I see,” Gohda raised his eyebrows. “Well, the children requested the VCR be brought up, could you handle that?”

“Fine,” Kanon replied. He unloaded the cart into the sink and started washing everything down. After a moment, he spoke up again. “You need to stop making Shannon deliver tea to people without telling her what it is. It keeps getting her stuck in awkward situations.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Gohda returned his attention to the crossword. 

Kanon’s gaze wandered as he scrubbed down the tea set. Eventually, his eyes settled on a box of tea left open on the counter. The label read  _ Lady grey _ . Kanon smiled, despite himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how close were you? Did the reveal leave you hugging your knees and sobbing? *cackle* *cackle*
> 
> nah, of course it didn't. to be honest, I'm not sure whether to be pleased or irritated with how quickly most people I've shown this to came to the right answer... but I guess it just means that it's a pretty strong truth, and once you start looking for alternatives to erika's convictions, it's a pretty natural place to end up at. 
> 
> that, or showing a bunch of trans people I know a riddle where the answer is "the person is probably trans or something" is going to have predictable results :P


End file.
